Puzzles
by demondreaming
Summary: Tori has an odd effect on Cat, one that makes her improv a little more revealing than it should. Cat/Tori.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Victorious is owned by Dan Schneider, who won't return my calls.**

You've always liked Tori. Ever since you saw her at the Showcase. You could see that she was uncomfortable, and a little awkward, but you also saw how she shined, how, just for a minute, she was a star. You feel like you have that in common with her. That only when you're performing do you really come out, cast off your restraint. Not that you've ever had much restraint, exactly, but you can relate.

You were surprised at how she treated you. Sure, she looked at you like you were stupid sometimes, but most of the time she was pretty nice. You weren't used to that kind of treatment. All you had for comparison were the constant barbs from Jade and Rex. Sure, Robbie was nice, but you were pretty sure your eyes were a little further up from where he constantly looked. When Tori looks at you, it feels like she's really looking at you, like she sees you. It makes you a little skittish. You're not used to being looked at... not like that. You wish you were, because it makes you act strangely around her. Not that you're not strange usually, but you're even stranger with her. Sometimes you touch her too much, sometimes you won't touch her at all. You find yourself telling her things about you, but you can't ever seem to finish, and what sounded interesting in your head comes out strange and boring. It's those times that she gives you odd looks, but she never pushes you away.

Andre's just as nice as Tori. He even gave you a nickname. You like having a nickname, it makes you feel special. Not that being Cat isn't special, but sometimes it's a bad kind of special. Being Little Red makes you feel good special. He's just as nice as her... if not nicer, but you just don't like him as much. You don't get all flustered when you're around _him_. It's weird. You don't know why you don't like him as much. Or maybe you just like him in a different way.

Tori likes Beck. You know. You watch people, notice little things about them. It's part of what makes you a good actor – observation. You know that Jade knows too. It's funny, but you kind of feel what she feels. You see the face she makes when she sees them together, and it matches how you feel inside when you see it too. It's almost nausea.

You remember this one time, when you went with your family to Niagara Falls, and you played hide and seek with your brother, except he forgot and stopped looking, and you were stowed away in the boat for eight hours. At first it was sort of comforting, the swaying back and forth, but then you started to feel sick and all you could smell was mildew and you always felt damp. Tori made you feel like that sometimes. Like you were lost and seasick.

You snap back to attention. You drift off so easily, because there's so many paths a thought can take, and one path always leads to another, so that you get further and further away from where you started, and sometimes you get lost inside your own head, and you wish you had some breadcrumbs you could drop behind you. You're doing an improv exercise with Tori. You like doing little things like this with her. You feel like it's the one thing you know more about than her, although you don't really. She's already picking it up quicker than you. Everyone leaves you behind, but with her you're trying to stay ahead. Trying to stay useful.

"You ready Cat?" Tori says, looking at you carefully, and you get the feeling she's already said it a few times.

You nod, ready. It's an easy game. Tori says a word, and you say the first thing that comes into your head. Most of the time it's candy.

"Red."

Wait, you weren't ready. You were getting ready to get ready. It's not fair, and your tongue stumbles over itself to answer, saying the first thing that pops into your head. "Lips."

Tori nods, moving onto the next one. "Bite."

"Lips."

Tori raises her eyebrow but keeps going. "Sweet."

"Lips."

Tori bows her head, sighing, and you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. "Why'd we stop?"

"You're not supposed to say the same thing all the time Cat. It's not improvising if you do the same thing all the time."

It's not your fault that all that came into your head was lips. You were watching Tori's mouth say all those things, and you got a little distracted watching her lips shape the words, dropping them out in sweet little sound packages. "Oh. Okay." You've just got to try harder to not think of her lips.

"Ready?"

"Freddie!" You respond triumphantly. No lips at all! Well... you guess Freddie has lips, whoever he is.

Tori laughs. "Cat, we haven't started yet."

There's a silence as you wait. You purse your lips, starting to tap your foot. Eventually, it's just too much to bear. "Well? Have we started yet?" You blurt, getting worked up.

Tori looks back down to her sheet of paper, a little smile on her face like she was waiting for that to happen. "Okay. We're starting now."

You try to clear your mind, which is more difficult than people would think. It's pretty cluttered in there, it's just that most of it drifts around, and you can't really grab hold of anything. You look up, because it makes it easier to visualise a white wall, to picture clearing everything away.

"Wet."

"Skin."

"Brown."

"Hair." You frown for a moment, feeling this thing flutter in your stomach. You had chicken for lunch, but you're pretty sure it shouldn't be flapping around in there. You hope it's not.

"Butter."

"F-fingers." You can't help the images that pop into your head. They're innocent enough, but they're driving your chicken crazy.

"Hot."

"Body."

Tori's looking at you curiously, seeing you start to fidget, shifting in your seat.

"Slow."

"F-faster."

"Bump."

"Grind."

"Want."

"Need."

"Car."

"Touch."

"Plastic"

"Kiss."

Tori raises an eyebrow, but you're too distracted to notice, having a little difficulty breathing. You've always had a vivid imagination.

"Cat."

"Meow." You respond.

Tori shakes her head, "No, Cat... we're uh... we're done." She studies you, and you can't help but squirm a little. "Are you okay?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" You yell, indignant, and she jerks back, looking slightly panicked. You hate it when people try to get inside you. You never know if they're going to plant something in there. You don't like people in your head. It's too crowded already.

"Nothing... just... some of your answers were kind of weird, that's all."

"Oh." You feel relieved. You should know that Tori wouldn't try to get inside you. You feel a tickle up your spine at the thought, and it confuses you. It's not the meaning, you think, it's the words. Tori touches your knee gently, and it makes you jump. It's like a zap, and you wonder if she's wearing one of those buzzers on her hand. Or maybe she's a superhero, with lightning hands, but she doesn't know it yet, so she can't control it. You cover her hand with your own tentatively, because you don't like getting shocked, but you need to see, because if she's a superhero, you could be her sidekick. She's looking at you curiously, but she's not moving her hand away, and you start to think you were wrong, your face flushing. Maybe it's you. Maybe your superpower is the ability to store all your blood in your head, because that's the way it feels. You're pretty sure you're matching your hair by now, and it's all because Tori keeps looking at you. Why does she have to look at you? Her eyebrows are all narrowed, like she's trying to figure something out, and she looks a bit like your dad when he does sudoku, that little wrinkle above the bridge of her nose deepening in concentration. You move your hand away, but it doesn't help, she's still looking at you like you're a word that's on the tip of her tongue, but she can't quite find it. You don't want her to find it, you really, really don't, because once you solve a puzzle, you throw it away. You don't want to be thrown away. Or solved. You don't want to be a puzzle at all. You want to be a person.

You jump up, Tori's hand sliding off your knee, and then Tori's looking up at you, a question on her lips. You smooth out your skirt, smiling at her, but you're a little scared. You're too here. Usually there's a part of you that ticks away in another place. You're always somewhere else, and it was always somewhere you could hide when things got bad or scary. But you're here. You're too here with her, and there's nowhere to run to. You say a quick goodbye to Tori, and you're too here to even make an excuse, and she still has that wrinkle when you leave, and you wish she'd just leave it alone and not treat you like you were something. Nobody else looks at you that way. Nobody else tries to figure you out, and maybe it's for the best. What if they don't like what they find? It's better if you're tolerated, at least that's okay. It's better than being alone. It's better than being looked at like Tori looks at you. It's better than being here, and having your heart race every time she touches you. She makes you feel funny, and not in the good way. You've never had this happen before, never had your heart beat so fast for no discernible reason. You don't know why it's only her that does this to you, and you don't know why, when you get home, you put your hand on your knee and try to pretend her hand is still there, still touching you.

**A/N: So here I am again, padding out the Cat/Tori pairing. Someone's gotta do it, and, if you guys are liking it, then I will continue to do so.**

**So please please please review, and show your appreciation for a less explored ship. Make your voice... uh.. type? Heard/read.**

**Also, let me know if you want a part two. I am more than happy to oblige, assuming you guys enjoy this part. And if you want more Cat/Tori fics in general, and you like my writing, let me know.**

**Also, am I the only one who thinks of Cacciatore Chicken when I hear Cat/Tori? Maybe I'm just hungry... O_o**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Victorious, quite sadly, yet also probably for the best, does not belong to me.**

**A/N: I don't usually do this kind of thing, but, like a drunk girl in college, I'm willing to try anything once, but then stop when I graduate. By that I mean I don't usually switch perspectives, I prefer to stick with one character and leave the thoughts of the ship target a mystery. But as you can see, I've changed my mind, and it's completely unrelated to the massive amounts of alcohol I've consumed, although it may be responsible for my dog being wrapped in toilet paper and tossed off a bridge. Also, that never happened.**

**Tori**

Cat's a mystery to you. You suspect she is to everyone, but you've never encountered anyone quite like her. She's a contradiction in terms... someone like her, someone so apparently flighty and airheaded shouldn't get good grades, but she does. Better than you, in fact. Someone like her, someone so childish and easily distracted shouldn't be your friend, but she is.

You remember the first time you saw her. She stood out in that crowd of students, when you were feeling so overwhelmed on your first day. That red hair... it caught your attention. Little did you know what kind of person she was then. You were utterly confused at her abrupt changes in mood, and it only made you feel that much more out of your depth. Then you got to know her better. She became your friend so quickly, so effortlessly that you're still not even sure how it happened. You never really made friends at your old school... you just sort of drifted among everyone, never really fitting in. You were... okay with that, you thought it was normal, but Cat... she came on so strong. She paid attention to you, never made excuses about having to do something when you wanted to hang out. She didn't judge you, when it felt like that's all everyone was doing. It _is_ a performing arts school after all; everyone's always watching, always sizing you up to see what sort of competition you are. Cat never did that.

You sometimes think she doesn't fit in at Hollywood Arts. She's got the talent – you've heard her sing, seen her act... but she doesn't have the ambition, she's not trying to claw her way to the top. She's the most genuine person there, besides Andre. He was your first friend, the one who really made you think this Hollywood Arts thing would work. You thought if everyone was as cool and talented as him you'd be stupid not to go. And of course, Beck. When you bumped into him in class, you thought it was a sign. Here was this handsome, nice guy, who you instantly felt this bond with... but then his girlfriend walked in. Jade. You've known people like Jade, you've just never been targeted by one before. If it wasn't for Andre, if it wasn't for Cat... even Trina, you would've quit right then. You were invisible at your old school, but at least that meant you were left alone.

So you kept going, and you made friends. It was funny though... after your little stunt kissing Beck... you really didn't feel anything for him. It wasn't that you were intimidated by Jade, which you were very much so, it was more... you just didn't really feel anything for him. It was for the best, having those kind of feelings when Beck's taken would just cause trouble.

You're happy. You have friends, you're getting the hang of how Hollywood Arts works, and you're not pining after some guy you can't have. But right now, you're confused. Cat's your first real girl friend, so you're not sure if you're overreacting or if it's normal. She acts weird sometimes... and maybe it's just Cat. You don't know. She lives in her own little world, so you don't know if it's you or her. Like today, for instance. You haven't really done that improv exercise much before, but you're pretty sure that's not how it works. You could see Cat getting worked up, see her face start to flush, her tongue darting out to lick her lips, her hands fidgeting in her lap. It made you uncomfortable for some reason, you felt like Cat was seeing more than what was happening. You wondered if you were missing something. You stopped the game eventually, getting worried at Cat's reaction. Her breathing was getting uneven, the flush pronounced in her cheeks, and you'd put a hand on her knee, just to see if she was okay. You felt her jump, her eyes flicking to your face and then to your hand, and then she'd slowly, tentatively put her hand on yours.

Is this what friends do? Is this how friends are supposed to make you feel? It doesn't feel like this is something friends do, but you don't know how to ask her. She gets so easily offended, and you don't want to push her away. You've made her cry more than once, and you're only just learning how to control your temper. You don't snap at her often, but when you do, you always regret it. You try, and not for the first time, to figure out what's going on in her head. You study her face, and that flush is still there, colouring her cheeks. Her eyes flick up to meet yours, the colour of coffee with deeper strikes in them, and you furrow your eyebrows. Just for a second there... you thought you could see something behind them, something that struck a chord inside you, but before you could figure it out she stood, and your hand slipped away from her. She said a distracted goodbye to you, and you'd replied similarly, still confused.

You'd looked at your notes absentmindedly, shuffling through them after she left. It was supposed to be your turn next, with Cat saying the words while you said the first thing that came into your head. Maybe it was for the best. You can't help but worry you would've said something stupid, or revealing. You frown. Revealing of what? You wonder.

You'd looked at your hand, the one that had touched her knee. You just wanted to comfort her, it was what friends did, wasn't it?

Sometimes you wonder why you're friends with her at all. You have nothing in common with her; you have to watch yourself around her, because it's so easy to upset her. She's easily distracted and unreliable and there's a million things about her you could find fault with. But for some inexplicable reason you like her. You're drawn to her, and most of the time, you feel as comfortable with her as do with Andre. It's only sometimes, like today, that you realise how different she is, how there are these moments with her that you've never had with Andre, or even with Beck, and you wish you had a basis for comparison, because you think it _is_ Cat, but you just can't be sure. You push it to the back of your mind. Asking her, especially when she's so easily offended... well, you don't want to lose her friendship. You've hurt her feelings before when you've snapped at her, and you're determined not to do that again. If you can help it.

You sigh, clenching your hand into a loose fist and standing. You're being stupid. All she did was put her hand on yours. You were the one who touched her knee in the first place. Friends touch each other all the time, you know that, you do it with Andre; touch him on the shoulder, or the knee. It's part of being friends, that you have the right to do that, to touch with impunity. You're overreacting. That's all.

**A/N: Please review! I'm like a broken record, in that I'm obsolete and a dead format. Oh, and I keep repeating myself. Speaking of which, I have a record player! I just play that record I got with Bioshock 2, over and over again.**

**On more related matters, let me know if you like this format (the whole switching between Cat and Tori). If'n you like it, I'll keep doing it, and do my best not to repeat myself. I'll try to become an mp3 through sheer force of will.**

**Oh, and I realise I just repeated myself about repeating myself, or rather trying not to repeat myself, which ironically made me repeat myself and led me to comment about repeating the words 'repeat myself'.**

**C-C-C-Combobreaker!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Victorious was once owned by me, but I traded it for a delicious sandwich. I regret nothing.**

Cat

You wake up. Not that you don't usually wake up, or that the way you do it this particular morning is anything exceptional, but you wake up with your eyebrows furrowed, the tattered remnants of a dream rapidly fading in your mind, and you try to pin it down, because you remember how it made you feel, even if you don't remember why. You can still feel it, this heavy weight in your stomach, that's almost like hunger, but not for food. It's no good, and you know you can't force yourself to remember it. You've tried before, and all it did was give you a headache.

You get to school early. It's funny, sometimes you're early and sometimes you're late, but you're never on time. It depends how you're feeling. You feel good today, like there's a smile not only on your face, but plastered across your brain as well. You've always thought of your brain as having weather, because sometimes your mind feels cloudy, or everything feels grey and rainy, even if it isn't outside. Today is sunny, both in your brain and outside, and you always like it when the two match up.

You like Hollywood Arts. The actual class time you don't like so much, but the buildings you love. You're creative, and you can appreciate the graffiti and art everywhere, even if you've never painted anything yourself. You've tried before, but what you want always changes, and you end up with something that's neither one thing or another, and it made you feel like Frankenstein, because you hated your creation. You're better at singing, because there you can paint a picture with your voice, and it's already decided what it's going to be in the music and the lyrics. You're just the paintbrush, or maybe you're the paint. Either way, you're just an instrument that can be played.

You're excited today, you remember suddenly, your memory jogged. You're excited because you get to do a duet. Well, technically everyone in class pairs up to do a duet. You like doing duets because it's like acting as well, your other passion. You're singing, but you're singing _to_ someone. You're having a musical conversation. You smile at that, amused by the thought of everyone singing instead of talking. You start giggling once you think of animals doing the same, little mice with squeaky voices singing about their love of cheese. You wish that were real.

You jump when the bell chimes, startled to find people rushing around you, heading to class. You don't know where the time went... you never do, but it always seems to go so fast. Except when you're with Tori. It's weird... it's like she slows time down, like watching a tortoise walk; everything's in slow motion with her. You like it... it's an oasis in your day. You feel like you can take a breath when you're with her, you can stop and think for a moment. Although your problem is you think too much... but when everything is slow like that, you can actually grab onto a thought and follow it through.

Class time is the worst. It feels like forever, but when the bell chimes, it seems like only a moment. You wish they could just pick how fast time is supposed to pass... it confuses you, and you never get anything done when you want to. The worst part is, no one understands when you try to explain it at lunch, gesturing with a sandwich in your hand. Jade's staring at you like she didn't think anyone could be this stupid and still be alive, and you know she's staring at you like that, because she told you that's what that stare meant, and she's giving you that stare. "Cat, time doesn't change. It's the same. The clock doesn't speed up or slow down. A second is a second."

You sigh. It's... that's not what you meant, and you wish you could explain yourself better, but big words scare you. They go on too long, and you trip over the syllables in your head. They're the Godzilla to your Japan of a brain.

"No... I think Cat meant like... when you're really bored time seems to go really slowly, but when you're interested in something it goes by too fast. Like Robbie's stand up act... it felt like it'd never end, but it was only twenty minutes."

You ignore Robbie's protest, staring at Tori. She gets it. Your cheeks start to feel hot, and you put a hand to them, confused. You're blushing. No one... no one understands you, and you don't mean that in angsty way, it's just they don't. They don't follow your twists in thought, preferring to plough through in a straight line.

You stand, excusing yourself briefly, your face blazing. It's not the first time you've rushed off in the middle of lunch with little to no explanation, so no really takes any notice. It hurts you a little bit, that no one notices. You suppose it makes sense; most of the time nothing _is_ wrong, but you wish they'd care a little. You notice Tori looking over at you when you glance back, but she doesn't get up. It's for the best. You can't control your feelings right now; this odd clenching in your chest, and when you reach the bathroom finally you look into the mirror, your cheeks flushed. You put a hand to your chest... it's like a clenched fist inside, and it almost hurts. All you can keep thinking, over and over in a tone of awe, is that she understands you. You splash water on your hot cheeks; you don't understand. It shouldn't mean this much, that Tori understood one thing you said, but you can't help the way you feel, and it's just confusing you more and more. Sometimes you just can't stand to be around her. This, you think, is one of those times, and it's happening more and more often.

You take a deep breath, bracing yourself against the sink and closing your eyes. At first you thought it was Tori... she was different from all your other friends. She was different in that she was actually nice to you, invited you over to her house for sleepovers, helped you when you had a problem. She was your best friend, and it was the first time you ever used that 'best' and meant it. She treated you like you were a person, whereas so many other people just treat you like a pet.

You sigh. You're too here again. You can't deal with all this emotion that's throbbing through you – you just don't understand why. One plus one is two, that makes sense, but this... this is more like algebra, and you've never been good at that. Tori is _x, _you're _y, _and you have no idea what you equal, if you equal anything at all. You let yourself drift among numbers, turning the number nine on it's side. It looks like a tadpole, and you follow that thought, because it takes you away, makes you feel happy and uncomplicated, and you don't realise you're still gripping the edges of the sink, so tight your knuckles are tensed white. You've moved onto frogs and princesses by the time the bell chimes, making you jump and wonder why your hands are hurting, wiggling them in front of your eyes.

**A/N: Please to review. I apologise for the lack of action of this chapter, I'm still in the awkward infant stages of this fic, and the chapters will get longer and more eventful (also... I'm still getting used to switching between characters). So review and let me know I'm doing okay, and I'll do my thing and write sexually confused, angsty fiction. After all, it's what I do best. XD**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Victorious, despite my vigorous efforts and lamentations, continues to be not mine. Much to my sorrow. 'Cause that would be _awesome_.**

**Tori**

You watch Cat as she rushes off during lunch, her face flushed. You catch a glimpse of her face as she looks back, and she looks almost... scared. You're tempted to go after her, but nobody else is moving. You don't even think they've noticed. It's not like this is the first time Cat's done this, but... you don't know, you just feel like there's something different, that lately Cat has been even more moody than usual.

All you did was explain what Cat was saying. Everyone just assumes that what Cat says is nonsense, but it's not, it's just a little harder to follow. But the way she looked at you, like you had another head or something... it's like she couldn't believe what you were saying. And then that blush had spread into her cheeks, and she'd bitten her lip.

You're worried about her. You haven't known Cat for all that long, but you've known her long enough. Her mood swings... sure, they're frequent, but they're shallow. They're gut reactions without much depth to them, only momentary feelings. But how she's been acting lately... it feels like there's something underneath it, something real, and you're sure it's one of those Cat things; those things that don't make sense at first until you twist it around and put it together. But that's the problem with Cat, it could be something, or it could be nothing at all. It's just a feeling you have.

You're still thinking about it when you get to class and Cat isn't there. It's unusual; music class is one of her favourites. You're relieved when she bounces in, looking as bright and chirpy as usual, and you start to think you were worried over nothing. You move your bag off the seat beside you, clearing a space for her, and she sits down, beaming. You want to ask her why she ran off, because something still doesn't feel right, but the teacher walks in, trilling a scale theatrically. You wait until she's done giving the class their assignments; to sing a duet. You'd forgotten about this, to be quite honest, but you know that Cat's been looking forward to it. She's practically quivering with excitement beside you. The sound of chatter fills the room, people discussing their ideas, and you turn to Cat, wanting to know what she's got planned, touching her on the shoulder lightly. She almost jumps out of her seat, like you've zapped her or something, but you figure it's just because you surprised her. She was probably just spaced out, thinking about what songs to do. It's not the first time she's had a reaction like that. You're thinking about maybe doing your duet with Andre. The two of you go well together, musically speaking, and you look around for him, patiently waiting for Cat to start her rant about what she's going to do and how excited she is to do it. It's what she normally does; she has a hard time containing her excitement, and she excites easily.

It doesn't come, and the silence catches your attention. You stop looking for Andre, focusing on Cat, and her head is bowed, her eyebrows drawn together. Her voice is soft when she speaks, and at a slower pace than usual. "Tori... did... did you wanna do a duet with me?" You're taken aback. Not that Cat would ask you, but in her tone of voice. It was hesitant, almost like she's expecting you to refuse, and she's just confusing the hell out of you today, even for Cat.

You haven't heard her sing much, but you know she can sing. You can almost tell just by her normal voice. There's a clarity in it, a power in it that you know transfers to singing, and to be quite frank, you're a little intrigued about what she might be able to do with it. You've heard Jade sing, and she's broadway all the way. You've heard Trina too, but you wouldn't call that singing. It's unusual, you realise, but you've barely heard Cat sing at all. It piques your curiosity, realising this. "Sure Cat. What song did you have in mind?"

A grin splits Cat's face, and she springs up, holding out her hand. You find yourself instinctively taking it, to your surprise, and then she's tugging you into the adjoining classroom, the one with the piano in it, and you realise she must have planned to use this room all along, must have arranged with the teacher beforehand, either earlier in the day if not yesterday. Sometimes you think too little of Cat, but she just works differently to you. You keep trying to pin her down, but she keeps changing, keeps eluding what you think she is. It's incredibly frustrating and incredibly intriguing at the same time. She lets go of your hand, sitting down at the piano. She seems nervous, wiping her hands on her skirt, and you realise that maybe there's a reason she hasn't sung in front of anyone, besides back-up. It's another surprise about her, because she's so fearless in other areas you never thought she'd be hesitant to sing.

A smile flits across her face. "I thought we could do 'Defying Gravity'."

You furrow your eyebrows. "Who's it by?"

Cat's jaw practically hits the floor. "You- you don't know? It's from _Wicked_!"

You stare at her blankly.

"The musical?" She frowns, sounding disappointed. "You really haven't heard of it?"

It's not that you haven't heard of it exactly. You've heard people talking about it, even if you didn't actually know it at the time. Cat looks crushed, and you realise what a huge deal this is to her. "Sing it to me." You say, trying to cheer her up.

"Really?"

You nod emphatically; you really do want to hear it. Cat fascinates you, she has so many different facets to her, and this is one you haven't seen before. You haven't seen her nervous, you haven't seen her this tense and excited before. She takes a deep breath, counting in her head and playing the opening notes. You're listening eagerly when Cat sings the first line, her voice soft but pure, and it freezes you, and all you can do is listen, stunned by her voice. She gains confidence as she goes along, and by the time she reaches the chorus her voice is soaring and raising goosebumps along your arms. You never knew she could sing like this, and you're enraptured, her voice caressing you and sending you into the heights with her, until you feel like you could defy gravity. You can't stop looking at her, your heart racing and your palms sweating, because she's amazing, and it's not what you were expecting at all. And when she hits that high note, her eyes closed, you feel your heart flutter, because it's beautiful, and it makes your voice seem rough and crude in comparison.

The last notes ring out, slowly fading to silence, and you're stunned. You feel like you should applaud, but you can't seem to get your muscles to work. Cat knows she's good, she'd have to, but she's still looking at you, a worried expression on her face. "Cat," You finally manage to say with a great effort. "That was amazing. You're... I didn't know you could _sing_ like that!"

Cat fights a smile, looking down at the piano and playing a few notes. "You really think so? It's a good song."

"Of course I think so. Why don't you sing more?" You can't figure it out. She's probably got the best voice out of all of you, but you've never really heard it until now.

The smile fades from her face, and she glances at you quickly. "It's... it's personal. When I sing it's like..." She trails off, shifting uncomfortably, and you gesture at her to continue. "It's like I'm giving a part of myself away. I mean, by myself I'm fine, but... but when I get in front of a crowd I just can't sing by myself."

"You sang in front of me." You point out.

A smile toys at the edge of her lips. "That's different. I don't mind you having a piece of me."

Sometimes you wonder if Cat understands what she says, whether she really thinks things through or if she just speaks with her heart. You think it must be the latter, because people don't make themselves this vulnerable on purpose. She has this ability to strike you dumb, and if you were a different person you might respond with some lighthearted comment, and you'd both laugh and feel good, but you aren't. You're you, and you heard how sincere she was, and you realise; she wasn't singing in front of you, she was singing to you.

She makes you uncomfortable, because you feel like there's something you're not seeing. You don't think she sees it either, in fact, you're pretty sure she doesn't realise there's anything to see. It frustrates you, because you don't know how to deal with it. If Cat was doing something wrong, you could talk to her about it. If it was you, you could work on it, but you can't change it if you don't know what it is. All you know is there's this tension that doesn't have a reason behind it, and it makes Cat blush and act even more strangely than normal around you and leaves you confused as hell. Is this how it is with best friends? Is it supposed to be like this? Maybe it's you – you're just having trouble adjusting to having a best friend. You're not used to sharing things and trusting someone, and it unnerves you that Cat does it so easily.

You're satisfied with that. It feels like an explanation, and it's something that'll work itself out over time. Simple.

Cat's studying you, and you start to think that maybe she said something to you. You were pretty spaced out. She puts you off guard a lot. "We don't have to do that song if that's what you're worried about. We can do something else." She says anxiously, and you wish you'd paid just a little more attention. You know how easy it is for her to get upset.

"No, no. That's fine. It's a good song. I was just thinking about having to learn it." You say reassuringly before frowning. "Wait, when is this due by?"

"Friday." Cat says with a smile on her face, noticeably perkier.

"Do you wanna come by my house after school and we'll practice?" You're looking forward to hearing her sing again, and seeing if your voices go well together, though, you have to admit, you're a little afraid of being overshadowed.

Cat nods eagerly. "I'd love to!"

You talk to her a bit more before the bell chimes, Cat explaining the plot of _Wicked_ to you and telling you how she's already seen it three times. She's chattering away quickly, and you're happy to see her so excited about the duet, and you watch her bounce away to her next class, picking your own bag up with significantly less energy.

You find yourself humming the song Cat sang on the way to class, and you're surprised at the goosebumps that raise on your arms at the sudden recollection of her voice. It's changed how you think about her, knowing she can sing like that. You understand why she's here, at this school, now. With a voice like that, she couldn't be anywhere else. You think about what she said, the pit of your stomach shivering, and you realise... you kind of like the fact that she sang _to_ you. It makes you feel special, and you're glad she wanted to... to give herself to you. You get to class, sitting down and pulling out a bottle of water from your bag. Your mouth feels dry all of a sudden, your pulse racing. You're looking forward to this afternoon, a lot more than you should. You wish school was over, because all you want right now is to sing with her, to hear her voice again. To sing _to_ her.

**A/N: Sorry sorry sorry! For the delay, that is. Unavoidable unfortunately, but we should be back to our regularly scheduled programming in a few days. I'm only managing to post this now due to a combination of magic and hallucinogenics, so I'm not actually sure I'm posting this, or if the dragon is.**

**Anyways! Review! It'll put a fire in my belly, and I'll spew forth fiery updates and oneshots when I get my modem in the mail!**

**I'll leave you with that image.**

**Also, am I the dragon? I got confused there. Maybe I've always been the dragon O-O**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Why do you do this to me? Have you no mercy? Don't own it.**

**Cat**

You're excited. You're _so_ excited. You're on Cloud Nine... although you've always wondered what that meant, exactly. What's so special about Cloud Nine? Why is it better than all the other clouds? Maybe, you think, it's just the right height from the sun. Maybe Cloud Ten is too hot and Cloud Eight is too cold, but Cloud Nine is just right. But how would people know? You don't even think people can stand on clouds. You used to think they were cotton candy, and you can stand on cotton candy, but they're not. They're like... they're water, you think, but weird water that isn't water. You're not sure, but you don't think you can stand on them. Why were you excited again?

The bell chimes, stirring you into action so that you basically spring out of your chair. Right! You remember now. You're going to Tori's to practice your duet! You remember how hard you heart was beating as you finished your song, looking at her nervously. You hadn't thought it could beat any harder, but it did when she said you were amazing, that you were fantastic. She'd looked at you with something like awe. No one... no one has _ever _ looked at you that way before, except Jade, but she says that's because she's in awe of your stupidity. You fought to keep some of your enthusiasm inside... you've scared people before.

You know Tori's waiting for you, out near Trina's car, so you hurry as fast as you can, grinning. You falter suddenly, a question sparking in your mind. Why are you so excited? You've done duets before, with Jade, with Beck, and sure, you were excited then, but not nearly so much as you are now. You frown as you rush through the halls. Sometimes you wish you didn't wear such high high heels to school. Tori's your friend, your best friend. Of course you're excited to be doing a duet with her. But there's something else... your stomach shouldn't twist like this when you think of it, when you think of being that close to Tori, singing to her. You can see yourself singing, a smile on your face, Tori enraptured as you twirl around her before grabbing her hands and pulling her close...

Wait. That... that doesn't seem right. That's not what people do is it? It makes you feel kind of queasy and shivery thinking about it. You try to calm yourself down as you spot Tori in the distance, waving at you. You've gotta be normal! Well... you've got to try, anyway.

Trina pushes herself off the side of her car where she's been leaning, rolling her eyes. "About time. Come on."

Tori opens the back door for you, and you feel a smile glow across your face. She looks a little puzzled by it, and you try to pull it back a little. You just felt special... that's all. Like you were a lady, and Tori was treating you like one. You're glad when she sits in the back with you. You think it's so rude when people sit up the front, well... unless they're driving. They don't really have a choice then. You look out the window, watching the scenery of Hollywood flash by. You love living here, everything seems so grand, even when it's not. It's like everything is a movie set... those aren't real trash cans, they're just props, the graffiti put there to give it a 'street' look. You realise that's not the case, but you like to think that way sometimes; that everything's a movie.

Tori touches your hand and you look over. She holds up her phone at you. "I downloaded 'Defying Gravity' on my phone." She grins. "I think I've almost got it." She frowns. "Maybe. Although I could only get that version they did on _Glee_."

You nod. "That's okay. It's a good starting point, and once we get that we can do the full version! It's more like acting then." You prefer the _Wicked _version, and not just because you've seen it three times. Singing... you know you're good, you do, and singing back-up? You have no problem doing that, but when you're up there alone... it scares you. You raise your voice, you put everything into it and make yourself vulnerable, and while you don't mind being vulnerable sometimes, doing it in front a crowd... it's easier doing a duet. You can focus on the other person then, and if it's like acting then it's even easier. You're good at pretending – of course you are.

You spend most of the car trip trying not to bubble over with enthusiasm. You know it gets a little grating sometimes, and you can see Trina glaring at you in the rear view mirror, but then you're finally there at Tori's house. Your brow furrows then as you remember yesterday. Was it only yesterday? It doesn't seem right. You start to feel that jumble of emotions again that tied you up yesterday. That made you put your hand on hers. Tori touches your shoulder, concerned, and you wish she'd stop touching you so much. It distracts you, and all you can think about is when she'll touch you next, and how you'd like to touch her. Just casually on the arm, like friends do, and have her turn and smile at you. Like normal people do. Sometimes you wish you were normal, but then you wouldn't be you anymore, you'd be someone else, and you don't want that. You like you... most of the time.

You smile at Tori, trying to push all those emotions down deep. They don't mean anything, they just confuse you and make your breath all short and your cheeks all flushed.

You follow Tori inside, putting your bag on her sofa. She sits down distractedly, searching through her phone. You sit down beside her before you realise you're too close, so you scoot back a little. But now you're too far away, so you move back. She doesn't seem to notice. "I got the karaoke version as well. I'll just follow your lead, okay?" Tori looks up and you nod. Piece of cake.

You listen to the opening notes, counting in your head before beginning. "_Something has changed within me,_" You start, Tori joining in on the next line. And immediately, it's different. You feel like the bottom's dropped out of your stomach, and you falter slightly, Tori looking up at you. You regain yourself but you just feel... odd. Your heart's racing, and your mouth feels all dry. You've always loved Tori's voice, and she's right there, singing to you, so, so close to you. You make your way through the first chorus, that feeling growing stronger, and your breath starts to grow short. Maybe you ate something bad, or maybe you're sick, because you don't feel right at all. You start to feel dizzy, and Tori just seems so close, singing to you, a smile on her face, and you can't seem to tear your eyes away from her face. "_...Defying gravity/ Kiss me goodbye..._" You swallow hard, and then you're leaning over, this strong urge in you, telling you, _demanding_ that you just... just...

You kiss her, sipping in a short breath before your lips meet, your eyes shut tight. You can't stop yourself, and your heart's about to explode out of your chest. What are you doing? You're... you're kissing Tori, and her lips are soft and warm, and you can't breathe. You pull away, clapping a hand over your mouth and squeaking. What are you doing? You kissed Tori! You stand, stumbling back. You have to get out of here. You... you kissed Tori. You kissed her. Kissed her on the lips.

"C-cat..." Tori says uncertainly, but you can't look at her. You have to get out of here. You can't... you can't...

You rush out... you just have to get away. You wait until you're out of sight of her house before you stop, calling your mom and stumbling over your words, asking her to pick you up. You sit on the kerb while you wait, putting your head into your hands, fingers coiling in your hair. Why did you do that? Why did... you kissed her. Why did you kiss her? Your heart's still racing, adrenaline flooding your veins. You wanted to, you realise. Of course you did, but... you didn't even know. How could you not know? You touch your lips, wondering how they could betray you like that... but you can't forget what it felt like to kiss Tori. It felt right.

**A/N: We all know how this goes. This is the part where I ask you to review, and a small percentage of you do. Thank you, small percentage, you're my favourites.**

**Why should you review? What have I ever done for you? Surely I must know I'm a good writer, how could I not? Just look at my immaculate spelling!**

**Why should you review? Because you're a filthy thief! That's right, I know about your unhygienic ways. Why do I think I'm talking to you from all the way over the internet?**

**Okay, so maybe you can't steal something that's freely given. It's a grey area, give me that.**

**...Okay, so I just want to justify stealing your stereo.**

**Review, and I might just give one of the speakers back.**

**...I need the rest for my breakdancing battle. Okay, so I just attack breakdancers with a sword. It's still more fun to do it to music.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Victorious. Once upon a time, I slew the dragon of copyright protection, and for a brief time, Victorious was mine, and was shared throughout the land of Public Domain. But no longer, no longer.**

**Tori**

She kissed you. Cat... Cat kissed you. You... you were just singing and then... and then she was kissing you. She _kissed_ you. That's all you can think, over and over in a loop, because what else are you supposed to think? You're... you're shocked. Of all the things you expected, this was not one of them. It wasn't even close to being anything like...

You can't even begin to process this. She... she kissed you. Her lips... You remember to take a breath... her lips touched yours. It wasn't an accident... she kissed you, and she meant to, and she wanted to. It was a kiss. You know it wasn't anything else. You know what a kiss is, and that was a kiss. You're just... your mind is boggling. One moment, you were singing, enjoying the way you and Cat's voices entwined together, and then she was kissing you, her eyes shut tight and her hands on your thighs. And then she was gone.

Maybe... maybe she didn't mean to. You saw how she sprang back, just as surprised as you, covering her mouth like she expected it to betray her again. How she ran out without even saying goodbye. You frown, noticing something. She ran out so quickly she left her bag behind. And then you wonder how is it that you can even think that. How can you not still be thinking that Cat _kissed_ you?

You put your fingers to your lips, involuntarily recalling it. One moment and she was just _there_, lips on yours, the scent of her perfume strong in your nose, the sound of her breathing, the feel of her breath on your cheek. And then she was gone, while you were still frozen, still trying to process... still trying to realise that Cat had just kissed you.

How are you supposed to react? How are you supposed to feel? You're still in shock, just... just baffled. How can everything change so quickly? Did it even happen? But you can still taste her lip gloss. It happened.

You know you should be running after her, making sure she's okay, trying to figure out what just happened, but you can't seem to move. Your eyes flick to your phone. It's still playing the instrumental of 'Defying Gravity' and you stop it. That's one thing you can do at least.

You don't understand. It makes zero sense to you. Why would Cat kiss you? Does... does Cat... does she like you that way? She's never said anything. She seemed as shocked by it as you.

You sigh, your muscles finally working again. You stand... you need to be alone, in your room... you need to figure this thing out. You need to believe it, because it still doesn't feel real. You hesitate at the foot of the stairs, glancing back. You cross back to the sofa, taking Cat's bag. You don't want Trina rifling through it and taking Cat's stuff.

You had some vague idea that once you were here, alone in your room, that your mind would start ticking, start figuring everything out. That as soon as you closed the door, your brain would kick into gear and give you an answer, provided you did enough pacing. But it's not working. All you can think about is the kiss, your mind just constantly repeating it in your head. It fills your mind so that all you can think about is the fact that Cat kissed you, and you can't move past it to work out why she'd do it in the first place.

You shake your head, sitting on your bed. You almost sit on Cat's bag, shifting it to your left. Okay. Does Cat like you? That's the first thing you have to establish. You think hard, think about how she acts around you. The problem is, it's hard to tell which behaviour is indicative, and which is just normal Cat oddness. She always seems to get flustered around you... she jumps when you touch her sometimes, and there are times when it seems like she always has to be in contact with you, and times when it's like she can't bear to touch you. But does it mean anything? You've heard her breath hitch when you hug her, but you always thought that was because you were hugging her too tight. She's always the first to volunteer whenever you ask everyone to do something, but that might just be because Cat's nice. Sometimes... sometimes it seems like she's flirting with you, but you don't know enough about flirting to tell. You never thought she was serious, and you're pretty sure she didn't think so either. It'd be so much easier if you had someone to compare this with. You have Andre, but he's far too different from Cat to be any sort of comparison. If only Cat wasn't so different, maybe you'd be able to tell.

She kissed you. That's a fact. Ergo, she likes you. You nod. You could sit there and think of everything she's ever done, and read into it whatever you liked, but the fact remains that she kissed you. And you don't kiss someone unless you like them.

Okay. That's sorted. You're sort of proud at how mature you're being. Well, _now_. You might have been freaking out a bit before, but you were just completely perplexed.

So Cat likes you. Second thing, does she know? You're pretty sure she doesn't... judging from the way she reacted. But how can she not know? Then again, this is Cat you're talking about. You're guessing that Cat might realise it now though. You wonder, how does Cat feel, realising she likes you?

A muscle under your eye twitches. Cat likes you. How do _you_ feel? In all this postulating about Cat, it somehow never occurred to you that Cat liked _you_. Crap. Cat likes you. What are you supposed to do? You're freaking out again. You're not mature, why did you ever think you were mature? You're a baby, a crying baby, and you just want someone to pat you on the back and burp you. You love Cat, sure... she's the sweetest thing ever, but... do you love her like _that_?

Your brain... it's telling you 'No!' over and over. You can't, it's impossible, it's _Cat_! But your heart... it's not fighting against your brain exactly, but it's doubtful. It's telling you that you shouldn't be so sure, that you should think about this, because that 'No!' isn't as confident as it should be.

It always comes down to Cat being different. If she was normal, you could tell. But what are you saying? This is about how _you_ feel about her. It's dependent on you. If you'd had a real friend before, a real girl friend, maybe you'd know. There's something about Cat, about her uniqueness that intrigues you, that's alluring to you. You don't know if it's natural curiosity or not. The way she acts... she puts you off balance. It's no surprise you don't know how to feel. But you don't think she knows either. And if Cat could be so oblivious to liking you, how can you be so sure you don't like her?

Your heart is slowly silencing your brain, and that 'No!'? It's becoming a thoughtful 'Maybe'.

**A/N: This is only a short one, I'm afraid. Next chap will be longer.**

**Please to for review? I'll hug you!**

**In your sleep... once I get this ankle bracelet off and can leave my property. Yeah, then I'll come hug you _real_ good.**

**I know what it sounds like, but I was never actually _convicted_. That's an important difference.**

**Sunshine and rainbows! ^_^**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I just hear 'claim' and I get excited. I think because of 'exclaim'! Which you legally can't type without an exclamation mark! And also the first three letters are the same as excited! Which is what I feel when I exclaim! I don't own Victorious! But I'm not excited anymore. I'm just sad.**

**A/N: One note before we begin the chapter. 'Kerb' is the correct Australian/British version of 'curb', which I used back in Chapter 5. However, I'll try to stick to the American version from now.**

**Cat**

You're stunned. More than stunned. Your mom doesn't seem to notice when she picks you up... she's used to you being in your own little world. She asks how Tori is, and you stammer out an answer, but you're not even sure what you said. You can't even hear yourself. Your brain hurts so much, because it's trying so hard to understand. What did you _do_?

You're home, and you don't even remember getting out of the car. You're just here now. Just in your room, and the bright colours and cute pictures that usually distract you, usually relax you are having the opposite effect. You need to focus on this! You can't run away, even though you _really _want to. You don't like consequences, but this is important.

You kissed her. You kissed Tori. Tori the girl. Tori your friend. Tori Vega, your girl friend who's a girl and your friend. You don't kiss friends. You only kiss people who make you want to kiss them, and those people aren't friends. Well, they are, but in a different sort of way. In a make-your-heart-beat-funny sort of way. And Tori's a _girl_. Not that you don't like girls... you do, but... wait. Do you like girls? You tilt your head, toying with a strand of your ruby-hued hair. Huh. You never really thought about it, and you've thought about everything. You think girls are cute. Tori's cute. But you also think bunnies are cute, and you don't kiss them. Well... you do, but only on the nose. You didn't kiss Tori on the nose though, you kissed her on the lips where you kiss people for real. Like she was someone you wanted to kiss. And it felt good... your lips are still all tingly, your heart still hitches when you remember how it felt. It felt _really_ good.

You shake your head. What are you doing? Tori's your friend. Tori's a girl. You don't kiss friends and you don't kiss girls. But... you did. You kissed Tori who's a friend and a girl. Maybe you're a hypocrite? You're thinking about this all wrong. You keep saying what you don't do but you did do it. So you're just lying to yourself. Why would you do that? You hate it when people lie to you, so it's even worse when it's you that's lying to you!

You need to look at what you did do. You kissed Tori, and it felt _really_ good, and you think you'd like to do it again, just to see if it felt as good the second time. But why? It's not something you do... _usually_ do; kiss friends who are girls. So why Tori? Tori's different, you know. Not different personality-wise you guess, or different physically, but she's different to you. She's like a lot of people you know, but she's not them. She's her and she makes you feel different. Not different the way you usually feel different, like it's you, but different on her side, the way she makes you feel. You act different around her than you do with your other friends. You try to think about how you feel when she's around you. You picture her in your head, her smile, the way she says your name, and there's even a smile in her voice when she says it. It makes you feel all warm, and you hug your arms to yourself tightly, because it feels like a hug, but you've only got yourself to hug back. Sometimes when you touch her it makes you feel funny. Not like a hug but like you have this force field around you. Like... you can feel her when you're not even touching, even if your arms are just side by side... it's like she's actually touching you, and it makes the hairs on your arms stand up, like they want to touch her too. And when she hugs you... she hugs you so tight, like she really means it, not like she's distracted or thinking about what groceries she needs. Like she's hugging _you_ and she wants you to know it. You like hugging her, but it makes your insides squirm about, like they want to be hugging her too.

You already know you like Tori though. You knew that from the first time you saw her at the Showcase. Tori's your friend, but she's different. She's your best friend, and when you say it you mean it. Out of all your friends, she's the best.

You wish you hadn't kissed her. You like being her friend, and you've kissed people before and things have changed. When you kissed Robbie, just to show him that a stage kiss was meaningless, it still changed things, and it made your skin crawl to have Robbie looking at you that way. It went away, but still, it was awkward and weird. You don't want it to be like that with Tori. You shouldn't have kissed her!

You're still not really sure why you did. It's not like when you've kissed boys, because they were boys and not Tori. You didn't know them like you knew Tori, and when you thought of them, you knew you could kiss them, that you were supposed to. But when you think of Tori, you think about everything you know about her; how she's a great singer, and a good friend, and how when she's really happy, her smile stretches all the way across her face and you can see those extra teeth. You call them the happy teeth, because that's the only time you see them. But kissing Tori isn't in those things you think of. You don't know that you can kiss her, and it doesn't seem right. She's your friend, not your girlfriend, and you're confused about where the line is now. Because she's your friend, but you've kissed her, and everything's all blurred now.

You're trying. You're trying so hard to concentrate and figure this out, but it just doesn't make sense to you. You keep trying to work out why you kissed her, but you can't get around what she is, and what it means. It makes sense to you that you'd kiss Tori if you liked her, you know, _that_ way, but you know what that feels like. It's all squishy and eye-fluttery, and Tori makes you feel something lower down, in the pit of your stomach that's different to what you've felt before. With anyone. Okay, so maybe Tori made you feel that way when you first met her; sort of dizzy and giggly. But you got past that... for the most part. You still have your moments. You don't know. It's making your head spin, trying to think why you did it.

There'll be repercussions. You know that. People don't forget when you kiss them, especially when those people are your best friends and you're not entirely sure you meant to. You don't want to deal with them, you don't want there to be this weirdness between you and Tori. Maybe you should just pretend that it never happened. It's not mature, but then, you're sitting in a brightly coloured room with pictures of bunnies everywhere. You know you're not mature, you're fine with that, but maybe if you pretend it didn't happen, Tori will just forget about it, or at least not mention it and it'd just be easier if you both pretended. That's what you'll do. Your logic is of the 'if I can't see you, you can't see me' variety, and you're pretty sure it won't work, but it might. It'd be awesome if it did. Then you wouldn't have a problem. Well, any new problems.

You change into your pyjamas, relieved. You know what to do. You hate it when you don't... it makes you feel so lost, like you don't know where to turn, and there's so many things pulling you in all these different directions that it feels like you're being ripped apart and it just makes you want to tear your hair out but you like your hair and-

You take a deep breath, pulling a tank top on. Even just thinking about it... it gets you all worked up. You turn off your light, scurrying to bed. You stare at the glow-in-the-dark star stickers on your ceiling. You know they're not real, but you can't have a skylight. You'd get scared that something would fall out of the sky and crush you. It still could, but at least you wouldn't see it coming.

Now that you know what to do, you can think about it. The kiss, that is. Now that you know it didn't happen. You bite your lip, because it helps you remember, makes your lips feel sensitive like they did when you kissed her. It was short, but... it was nice. She didn't kiss you back, not really, and you're sort of glad for that. It would've raised a _lot_ more questions, and it wouldn't be so easy to forget about. If you think about it now, you can forget it later. You just want to remember it one time, really well, so when you forget you don't feel the need to remember it, because you'll remember that you remembered it before you forgot it. You think.

You feel like your body is buzzing, remembering the kiss. You remember what Tori smelled like, that peppery sort of perfume she wears that crawls inside your nose and turns about like a dog settling down. It makes your head swim. You remember how your two voices melded together so well, how it made your heart beat so strangely when you sang with her. To her. But mostly, you remember being that close to her. Mostly you remember how you closed your eyes tight, and felt her lips, so soft, so still against yours. You shiver, touching a finger to your lips. Your entire body feels hot, feels like it's sparking, and you trail your hand lightly down your side, resting your fingers on the bare skin of your inner thigh. And as you move your hand higher, the skin flush under your fingertips, you find yourself thinking of Tori, and that thing that never happened.

**A/N: Oh Cat, you so silly. Just admit it already! Now that I've covered most of what you'll say in your review, feel free to just tell me how great I am.**

**I kid. I'm not that conceited. Not yet. But you know what? You can help with that. You can help make me into a more conceited person, and really, who doesn't want that?**

**Now, a real question. Which view point do you guys like better, Cat or Tori? And, if you do answer and feel chatty, why?**

**And also. I like the ending to this chapter.**

**Why do I mention this?**

**Because I _really_ like the ending to this.**

**I'll stop being creepy now. Well, I'll try. Eh, forget it.**

**...Sexy. ;)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Despite my magic spells and chicken sacrifices, I still don't own Victorious.**

**Tori**

You wake up, and it feels like a hangover. Well, what you think a hangover would feel like. You feel terrible, and ashamed and all sorts of things... like you can't believe what you did last night. You sit up, snapping fully awake. What you did... what Cat did. Cat kissed you.

Your heart pounds. How you could've even forgotten that for a second... Oh God. What are you going to do? How are you going to let her down easily? You... you do want to let her down, don't you? Yes... yes, you do. You don't... don't like her that way. No. You think. No. What are you saying? It's ridiculous. You'd know if you liked Cat... but you're not... not... you don't... you're _not_.

You're not looking forward to seeing her. It's gonna be awkward, and painful, and Cat gets hurt so easily. You don't even know how you can let her down without crushing her. She's so sensitive. Ugh. Maybe you should just avoid her. No, that's not fair. Cat deserves the truth. She probably thinks she's ruined everything with you, that you must hate her. You've got to let her know that your feelings haven't changed, that you're still her best friend. You can't avoid her, as much as you'd like to. You can't do that to her.

You throw your covers off you, getting up with a sigh. Today isn't going to be a good day. You resign yourself to that, catching a glimpse of Cat's bag sitting on your beside table. You should probably give that back to her as well. You tilt your head, pursing your lips and sitting back down on the bed, reaching over and grabbing her bag. You're curious as to what's in it. You would've checked last night, but you had the bigger problem of trying to understand that Cat kissed you. You don't like to snoop, but... who's going to know? You're just curious, is all. Still, you feel a little guilty as you rummage through it, the scent of Cat's perfume wafting around you as you disturb the contents. You take a deep breath. You like the smell of it... it's fruity, but soft. It's perfect for Cat. It's a smell you find relaxing for some reason, but refreshing at the same time. Okay... lip gloss. You chew your lip. Her lip gloss. You know what it tastes like. You shake your head, you have to stop it. It didn't mean anything... you're just still a little freaked out. You keep rifling through it, finding the usual stuff, plus a surprising amount of candy. Well... not surprising for Cat, but for a normal person, yeah. Your fingers brush over something cardboard, and you pull it out. It's not cardboard... it's a picture. It's a picture of Cat and you. You feel a twinge; Cat's arms are wrapped around you, a grin on both your faces, and you remember instantly when it was taken. It was when everyone went to the beach. You'd asked Andre to take it, the sun starting to set, and Cat had thrown her arms around your shoulders in a hug and you'd leaned your head against hers, smiling. You catch yourself smiling now, touched that she'd have this in her bag, that she'd have it with her, the corners a little bent. You put it back into the bag carefully.

This is going to be hard. You really don't want to hurt her. She's so sweet, but you're not sure how to do this. You'll just have to... to be honest. But nice. You don't want to dash her hopes, but you don't want to lead her on, either. It's weird but... you're almost flattered that she does like you... that way. It just... seems so adorable to you, but then, everything Cat does is. When a guy likes you, most of the time you're pretty sure it's because they think you're hot. But Cat actually knows you... and she likes you anyway. It just... makes you feel good, that someone like Cat would see something in you.

You shake your head, standing up, clutching Cat's bag. You're always so pessimistic in the morning. You always feel so bad on an empty stomach. You take a deep breath, trying to pump yourself up. Okay, today's going to suck, but everything'll be okay! Your stomach rumbles and your breath whooshes out, shoulders slumping. Well, maybe after breakfast, anyway.

You walk into school cautiously, looking around for Cat, her bag under your arm. Part of you is dreading seeing her, because that means you actually have to do it, you actually have to address what happened, and you still have no idea how to even begin. You bump into a lot of people, mechanically excusing yourself, still scanning for Cat. You catch sight of her trademark hair as she closes her locker door, your stomach dropping. You swallow hard. Here goes.

"Hey Cat."

Cat jumps, whirling around to face you. Her face is blank, surprised, and it takes a moment before her usual smile flickers onto her face. "Hey Tori!" She catches sight of her bag, and you hold it out to her.

"You uh... left this behind yesterday." You say lamely.

Cat nods. "Oh, right. Sorry."

You frown. Are you crazy? Or is Cat acting... well, normal? For her, anyway. You shake your head mentally. Best thing to do is just approach it head on. You've never really been good at tact. "Cat, about what happened yesterday..."

Cat tilts her head, looking puzzled. "What about yesterday?"

You furrow your eyebrows. Maybe... maybe you are crazy. Cat kissed you. You know that. You're one hundred percent sure of that, but... the way she's acting... it's like it never happened, like she doesn't remember. Maybe she didn't think it was weird, maybe she didn't think it was that big of a deal. But then why would she have rushed off? Why did she seem so upset? This is exactly what you mean when you say you don't know how to feel around Cat. She's unpredictable, you don't know what to expect from her. You think you've got her pinned, and then she changes and you're off balance all over again. "Cat... you kissed me." You say, somewhat exasperated. Whatever you were expecting her to say, it wasn't this.

She blinks at you. "I did?"

You look at her incredulously. "Yes Cat, you did."

"I don't remember." She says innocently, her eyes wide. And then suddenly, you get it.

"So you're just gonna pretend nothing happened?" You get it. Cat's trying to pretend it didn't happen. She didn't mean to kiss you... not consciously, anyway. She wanted to, you're sure of that much, but you don't think she planned to. And now she's scared... scared that you'll reject her because you know how she feels about you. So she's trying to pretend that she didn't kiss you, that nothing happened yesterday. She's letting you know that's it's okay to ignore it, that she doesn't want you to read into it. That she just wants you to forget about it. But... you can't. It happened. You can't just let it go, you can't just forget. It happened, and you have to know why, you have to know how Cat really feels about you. Because as sure as you were before, you're unsure again now. You never seem to know where you stand with Cat, and you'd like a bit of clarity, just for once. You grab her wrist, leading her to the janitor's closet. You need to find out.

Cat lets herself be pulled along, and you close the door behind you, the acrid smell of cleaning products searing your nose. Not that you've ever actually seen the janitor. This place is practically a haven for you. "Cat, you kissed me." You state, turning to her.

She chews her lip. "Tori..."

You can see her mask start to slip. It _has_ been bothering her. The smile's fallen from her face, Cat shifting uncomfortably. She _was_ just pretending. You're _not_ crazy! Not that you thought you were... "Look, Cat... it's okay if you like me. I'm not gonna get mad or anything."

Cat's eyes flick up to you, looking surprised. "I don't like you."

You stare at her. "What?"

"No, no.. I mean, I do like you, but I don't like you like you."

You can't... you don't even... Why does she do this? Why can't she just say what she means? It occurs to you that maybe she doesn't know what she means. You just wish things made sense... it'd make things a lot easier... you wouldn't have to struggle this much. "Cat, you kissed me." You've already said that so many times, but it's what it all comes down to. She _did_ kiss you. There's no way around that fact. "Why would you kiss me if you don't like me?"

Cat's eyes dart around. "I... I don't... T-tori..."

"It's okay. It doesn't change how I feel about you Cat. You're still my best friend." You try to reassure her.

Cat makes a sound of frustration, surprising you. "But I don't... I don't like you like that. I _don't_."

Why is she still pretending? There's no point to it, but then, is there a point to anything she does? "Then why did you kiss me?" You coax softly. You just want to help her. You want her to trust you enough to tell you the truth.

Cat looks downcast. "I don't know." She says it so softly you're not sure you heard her.

"Was it a mistake?" You ask her. You genuinely want to know. She seems just as confused as you are, and you can see she's dropped her act completely. She's a lost little girl, and you just want to help her find her way. You move closer to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. She looks at it before her eyes flick to you.

"I... don't know." Her voice is so small, so helpless. You pull her into a hug, squeezing her tight. Cat's different, you've made that abundantly clear. But she feels things too easily, gets hurt, gets confused too easily. You know she can't stop herself from feeling them, that she'd close herself off if she could. Who would want to leave themselves that open all the time if they could help it? You can't imagine what it's like to be her. That's why you're being so careful, that's why you're hugging her. You don't want to make Cat sad... you've done that before, and hated yourself then for it.

You can't let this go. You wish you could. It would be easier, but you can't ever seem to just do what's easy. You always listen to your gut, and it's telling you that you need to find out, that if you let this go it'll eat away at you. You pull back from Cat a little, her perfume making your head swim. It's different from what she usually wears... there's an edge to it. "Would you do it again?" You don't know why you've asked the question, or at least, asked it like that. You still mean was it a mistake or not... on her part, but the way you've said it... it doesn't sound right.

Cat looks up at you, puzzlement etched on her face, her lips parting slightly, eyebrows pulling down in confusion. You become aware that your arms are still around her, still holding her, and you remember that the last time you were this close to Cat, she kissed you. You feel an odd pulse at the memory. Cat licks her lips nervously, her breath hitching. She likes you, you know it, you can see it just by looking at her, looking at her face, her tongue running over her pink lips and-

You dart you head forward quickly, pressing your lips to hers, letting out a sharp breath as you do so and shutting your eyes tight. Her lips are soft, motionless against yours. And then she kisses you back, and it changes. You feel like you're holding a huge breath in, and it's stretching at the walls of your chest, pushing your heart against your ribs and making your skin feel tight. And then there's this hot swell in you, this surge of adrenaline, and you break away from her, your lips making a soft sound as they part. You backpedal furiously until you're pressed up against the door. What... what did you just do? Your heart is pounding so hard, racing unbearably fast. You... you kissed Cat. Oh God. You kissed Cat... why would you...? Why did you? Oh God. You can't... You feel like the walls are closing in on you. What did you do? Why did you do it? You don't... you don't like Cat that way... you just felt this urge, this need. This longing, as you remembered her kissing you before.

Cat licks her lips, and you shudder. She's confused... you're confused. She... she kissed you back. Your stomach drops. You really can't take the easy way, can you? You've just complicated things immensely, and you have no idea what to do. You didn't mean to kiss her... you're still not sure why you did. You can't do this. You can't deal with this. Is this what Cat felt when she kissed you? Like her body betrayed her?

Cat's voice snaps you out of your stupor. "T-tori?" Her voice is so soft, so utterly befuddled that you feel an urge to hug her again, to tell her everything's going to be okay. But look where that urge just got you.

"I... I... I have to go. I'm... I'm so sorry Cat..." You rush out as quickly as you can, leaving Cat staring after you, a hurt look on her face. You don't want to hurt her, you really don't but you just can't be in there with her. Not after what just happened.

You take a few shuddering breaths, trying to calm down. You'd thought you thought this through last night. You love Cat, you do, but you don't feel that way about her. You can't. It's just... it's not possible. It's _Cat_.

You need to talk to someone. You've never been so confused, so lost. Because you liked it. You liked kissing Cat, and you don't know what that means. You can't accept what that means. You need someone to tell you to stop worrying, that it didn't mean anything, that it was an impulse with nothing behind it. You need someone to tell you that you don't like Cat.

**A/N: Gasp! The plot thickens!**

**...Sort of.**

**So... Cat likes Tori, and Tori likes Cat, but no one's willing to admit it.**

**Doesn't that frustrate you?**

**Doesn't that make you want to review and tell me "Oh, just let them be together!"?**

**I think it does.**

**You should totally do that. Teach me a lesson. :P**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not. I swear to God, I do not. I don't even...**

**Cat**

You stand there, stunned. More than stunned, you're flabbergasted, bewildered, perplexed. You remember to drag in a breath, the air rushing in, your lips still sensitive, still wet from Tori's lips. T-tori's lips... She kissed you. With her lips. On _your_ lips. You shiver at the thought. When you kissed her before it was... nice. Her lips were soft and warm. It was a kiss like any other kiss... just with Tori. But this... this was different – Tori kissed _you_ and you kissed her back.

You've kissed people before. You've done a lot of kissing, actually. You like kissing. It feels nice and makes you all fluttery inside. You know how kissing feels, is what you're trying to say. It didn't feel like that with Tori. It was different. You didn't feel like you, you felt like... some shaking thing, filled with this heat, this hot, pulsing, churning. You'd wanted to take it further, wanted to put your hands on Tori's hips, slide them under her shirt and touch her skin.

You thought you knew what you were, but Tori makes you not you, makes you feel, makes you _do_ all these things that Cat doesn't do. Cat doesn't kiss her friends, Cat doesn't want to touch them, to touch under their shirts and – Cat never has. But you still feel like Cat, just a different kind of Cat... the kind of Cat who _does_ do those things. Tori's Cat, the kind of Cat only she makes you, the kind of Cat she's... always made you. You like the Cat you are with her... you're just not sure exactly who that Cat is yet. You're still getting to know her.

You wanted to kiss her. As soon as she pulled back from the hug, her hands hot on the skin of your shoulders, you wanted to. You tried to tell yourself you didn't, that it was just because Tori was so close. You overlooked the fact that Tori having that effect on you was proof in itself.

Having Tori kiss you, kissing her back instinctively, eagerly... it wasn't like anything you've ever done, anything you'd ever felt. It was brief, but it was amazing. You're dazed, still feeling Tori's lips ghosting over yours, still tasting her when you lick your lips. What does this mean? You felt something when she kissed you, something you've never felt before. Something strong that made your head swim, even in that brief time. You don't like Tori like that. You know that. But you don't feel this way about a friend. You don't feel something like that for a friend. Your heart doesn't get hot and heavy in your chest, excitement doesn't prickle through your veins, you don't instantly feel this rush of... joy, for a friend. You don't feel these urges for a friend. You don't like Tori, you know that... but... you think you might love her.

Your heart pounds hard in your chest as the realisation crosses your mind, as if it's trying to agree, trying to tell you that's what it's been saying all along. You... you love her? You're in love with her? It doesn't make any sense to you, how could you not know? You're supposed to know if you're falling in love with someone... that's supposed to be the best part. It's supposed to be strong and sudden and you're supposed to _know_. But if you're not, why does it feel so right to think it? Why does it feel so right when you whisper it out loud in the quiet room, your voice wondering. Why does your heart hurt, so much that you put a hand to it, trying to hold it in? How can you know from just one kiss? Just from her kissing you? It was just one kiss, so sweet, but so brief. How could it do so much?

_Because it was Tori kissing you_.

You hug yourself, arms crossed, hands gripping where Tori's hands had been so soon before. You lick your lips, eyes closing, wedging your lip between your teeth because it helps you remember. And you want to remember, you never want to forget. Maybe you could forget last time, but this... this you can't ever forget.

Your eyebrows furrow as you play the scene out in your head. Tori pulled back, just as you'd leaned more into her, your heart thudding. A tickle runs up your spine as you remember the soft sound your lips made when they parted. It makes it real to you. But Tori had stumbled back, had scrambled as far away from you as she could get, her eyes wide and confused, matching your own.

You let your hands slide down your shoulders, uncrossing until they hand loosely by your sides, palms open. Your stomach churns as you remember Tori's rushed apology as she practically ran out. The worst part is, she's already rejected you. You didn't mind before because you didn't realise. And then she had to kiss you and open your eyes. Why did she have to kiss you? It's cruel, it's a cruel joke that you can't understand. It's not something Tori would do, you know that, but that's how it feels right now. You love her, and you've already lost her.

You hear the bell chime, and it doesn't excite you like it usually does, doesn't make you happy to skip off to class because you know you're going to see your friends. Going to see Tori. You don't feel like moving, this insistent throbbing making your chest ache. If this is love, then it hurts.

You stir yourself into motion, and it's weird... your limbs feel all heavy, all sluggish, and you've never felt like this, like you were wading through syrup. How can things change so quickly? But then, they always have for you. You switch so easily from one mood to another, and you hope that's all this is. It doesn't feel like it, but you hope it is. It hurts to feel like this, and you don't want to hurt, you want to switch back to what you were before. You've always liked yourself, even when other people haven't. You've always found somewhere in your head that you liked, some thought you could burrow into and cheer yourself up with. But all that's in there now is Tori, and while that used to be fine, it used to be _great_, it just hurts now. There's nowhere safe to go. Maybe if you were someone else, you could think this through, you could calm down and maybe see that it wasn't such a big deal... but you can't. You're you, and you can't change that and you've never wanted to until now. Maybe it is love. But you thought love was supposed to be happy, and you're not happy. You'd be happy if Tori were here, if she'd stayed... if she hadn't kissed you in the first place. Why couldn't she just go along with you? Why couldn't she just agree to forget about it? Maybe you could've fallen out of love with her, maybe you wouldn't have realised at all. That would've been fine with you. What you don't know won't hurt you, and curiosity killed the cat.

You open the door to your locker, and you still feel like you're moving so slowly. You want things to speed up again, to go back to normal time, so then this feeling wouldn't last so long. So you could switch back like you always do. You want to switch back. You want to feel light again.

Tori's already turned you down, already said she didn't like you. But... but you didn't like her either, until... well, until you realised. A flicker of hope starts in you. Maybe... maybe she could like you that way, maybe she loves you too. Maybe she was just like you were, maybe... maybe the two of you could be together. A small smile turns up the corners of your lips. This is the switch you were hoping for. Doubt still has it's cobwebs spun around your heart, but you feel lighter, like you're brushing some of them away. It still hurts... maybe that's just how love feels, you're not sure, but the syrup is gone. You can move again, you can lift your head. You're still scared to see her though. Hope is a lovely thing, but it hurts when it's crushed. Sometimes you wish your feelings weren't so fragile, but you can't help it, you can't stop them from veering all over the place. You try to quash some of that hope. It's too fragile, you can't hope too much. You know what you're like... you'll convince yourself that Tori does love you, that she has to, and then you'll be sad when she doesn't.

This isn't something you can let you be yourself about, you have to be someone else for this. You have to feel less, because this is important, this is serious. You can't be Cat for this, Cat is too soft, too vulnerable. She'd make Tori feel bad about not loving her, she'd cry and fall apart and not be able to see Tori. You have to be Jade for this. You have to not care, to not feel anything so Tori feels okay. You have to. For Tori. You love her so much, you're going to pretend not to love her so much, so she doesn't feel so bad about not loving you. That hope still flickers though. You still have that slight smile on your face as you walk to class. You can still feel her lips on yours.

**A/N: Today... it's apparently Thanksgiving for all you Americans.**

**So... let's be thankful, hey?**

**Give your sweet thanks to me, so that I may put them into a pie, bake them, and eat them. Let's be thankful for good spelling, for... decent grammar, and a coherent story. Let's not take those things for granted, because some people are unfortunate. Some people aren't blessed with the skills to spell and speak in an understandable manner.**

**So give thanks, and I will share my pie of gratitude with you. The filling? LOVE.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Ugh. There's not like... even a point to my disclaimers. I've said like... every way in which I don't own this. I don't even care anymore. I'm going home.**

**Tori**

"I... I didn't know who else to turn to, and you're the last person I'd come to, but... I don't know what else to do. You know her better than anyone." You take a deep breath, closing your eyes. "I just... don't know what else to do."

"Tori, what are you talking about?"

You open your eyes, sighing. "Why am I doing this?"

Jade crosses her arms, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah, why are you?"

You're not sure. You just... you need to talk about this, and Jade is the last person you'd expect to listen. Anyone would've been better, anyone at all, but Jade was the only one you could find, and you can't keep this inside, you just... you have to get it out, you have to know what to do. "Cat and I... she... I..."

Jade let out a frustrated breath. "What is it? Spill it or stop annoying me."

You fight down the surge of irritation Jade inspires in you almost everytime she talks to you. You're sure the feeling is mutual, but she's actually listening, which is more than you expected from her. You just... you have to get it out. "Cat and I kissed."

Jade blinks at you, her face blank. She uncrosses her arms, her eyes widening a little. "What?" She tilts her head like she's not sure she heard you right.

"Y-yesterday, Cat... she kissed me. A-and then today I," You bite your lip, remembering, "I kissed her."

Jade blinks at you again, leaning forward. "Cat and you _what_?"

"Please don't make me say it again."

Jade blinks at you again, and you're starting to wonder if that's all she can do. And then she starts to laugh. And laugh, and laugh, and you're left sitting there, waiting for her to stop and feeling like an idiot. She's almost crying by the time she calms down, wiping her eyes carefully, trying not to smear her eyeliner.

You're pretty annoyed at this point... maybe you should've waited... hell, maybe you should've just grabbed some random kid. Anyone would've been better than Jade. "Oh, you're done? You're sure?"

Jade smiles at you. "Thanks Tori. That's the funniest thing I've heard since you fell down those stairs."

You stare at her. "You pushed me!"

She shrugs. "Anyway, what's the big deal?"

"I got a bruise on my thigh!"

Jade rolls her eyes. "About Cat."

You blink at her this time. You'd... you'd almost forgotten about that for a moment. That... that Cat was a problem, that things were different. "Cat likes me..." You look around, lowering your voice, the halls empty. "_That way_." You whisper, leaning in conspiratorially.

Jade leans back against her locker. "And?"

You look around again, this time looking for anyone, anyone at all who isn't Jade. Even a mouse would be better at this point. At least mice can't laugh at you. "'And'? I don't like Cat that way!"

Jade frowns, raising an eyebrow at you, piercing glinting. "Then why'd you kiss her?"

You lick your lips... you can almost still taste... no, no no no. No you can't. No. "I... I don't know. But I don't... I... I can't."

Jade's eyes narrow. "You can't? Why can't you?"

"B-because... because-"

"Because she's Cat or because she's a girl?"

You're not sure. The way Jade puts it... it makes you sound so stupid, but she has a knack for making you sound that way... or maybe she just points it out. It's... it can't be Cat because she's Cat. You love Cat, you do. But... if it's because she's a girl, then... you don't have a problem with gay people. This is Hollywood. You... you're not sure. "I... I don't know. I just can't."

Jade rolls her eyes. "Tori. You're an idiot."

You shake your head, snapping out of your thoughts... why can't you like Cat? "What?"

"Look, I'm done with this." Jade pushes herself off her locker, brushing past you. She stops, hesitating. "Just... don't hurt Cat. You do _not_ want to hurt her, got it?"

You swallow hard. She's using her I'll-hurt-you-if-you-do tone, and... it' a very convincing tone. Not that you would want to hurt Cat, god no. So why can't you like her? Why can't you even consider it? Why are you so scared by it? Cat's the best friend you've ever had, the only real person who's called themselves _your_ best friend. You... what if you lose that? What are you going to do?

You lean back against the lockers, stunned. Are... are you so scared to like Cat because you don't want to lose her as your friend? Because if you're in a relationship with her, things will change, things will go wrong? Jade was right, you are an idiot. You kissed Cat, and... it felt right while you were doing it, it felt good. It didn't feel like a mistake. It was only afterwards, when your brain kicked in, when it whispered all the things that could go wrong, all the things you couldn't do. It's so much easier to be friends, there's so much less damage you can do, so much less attention you have to pay. But is it worth missing out on what you could have with Cat, just to have a friend? What if... what if things could be great with Cat?

Cat. She... she said she didn't like you that way... but it's Cat. Dammit, how are you supposed to know? What if... what if she really doesn't? You were so sure before, but then... you were so sure you didn't like her as well. What if you put yourself out there, say... say that you feel that way about her, and she's the one to reject you? What if you lose her anyway? Can you really take that risk? She's the first real friend you've ever had, the first... no. She's... she's not the first friend. Andre's your friend, Beck's your friend, even Jade is your friend... sometimes. Cat isn't the first friend you've had, she's just the first person you've... you've felt this much for. You've never felt this much for someone, and... you thought it was friendship, that it was _real_ friendship, that it was how best friends feel, and... maybe a part of it is that, maybe that's how it started, maybe that's still part of what it is, but you don't know, you just don't know and you're so confused you just wish... you just wish you'd never kissed her, that she'd never kissed you and she didn't exist. For an actress, you really can't handle drama. That's always been Trina's forte, and you just... what do you do? Normally you'd talk to Cat. She isn't much help, but she listens. Like, really listens, her eyes wide and her hands folded in her lap, like what you're saying is the most important thing in the world.

Your heart thuds hard in your chest, just at the thought of how Cat looks at you. Like you're you, and that's important. That's special. How can you lose that? How can you risk it? But you remember how good it felt to kiss her, how your heart raced and your palms sweated. How she looked at you afterwards, with awe and confusion and... and something else. Something that scared you a little. Maybe you should've just went along with Cat, pretended nothing ever happened. Maybe that would've been the smart thing to do. Then none of this would've happened.

You put your head in your hands, fingers tangling in the brunette locks. What are you doing? What you going to do? You don't want to talk to Cat, you really, really don't. You don't know if you could see her, but... the longer you leave this, the worse it's going to get. You... you can't. No. You just can't. You can't go to class and see her. Can't take that awkwardness. It's already happening, things are already changing, and you hate it. You just... you need to be alone, you need to stop thinking. You feel like you're tearing in two, because whatever you do, it's not going to be easy, whatever you do, something's gonna change.

**A/N: Please to review. I know I always ask, but... I'm consistent at least ^-^**

**Hopefully some of this doubt, this angst is relatable to you guys. Hopefully, it strikes a chord in you. A pretty chord, not the one that's really low and then you jump but then it's just a cat, so it's okay, it wasn't a killer in that movie but then OMG it IS. RUN LADY RUN.**

**What.**

**Uh... so... review... o_0;**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: No. Not mine. Still? I know, I know, I'm trying.**

**Cat**

You pick at your lunch despondently. Your brain weather and the real weather aren't matching up anymore. It feels like it should be overcast, and you wish that sometimes the real world would listen to your brain. It doesn't feel right that things should be bright. And normally, lunch is your favourite time of the day. You love food, and even though all you have today is a salad, usually you'd have finished it in five minutes, and then started eyeing someone else's lunch. But you just... it doesn't taste as good today. It's like ashes in your mouth, because it doesn't taste like Tori, and every bite is taking the taste of her away from you, a little more each time. She's almost gone.

You're changeable. You know that... emotions are what you know best, you've had every one of them, but you're all over the place today, even more than usual. There's this hope flickering in you, and it keeps snuffing out and relighting and you wish it'd just make up it's mind whether to be there or not, because right now, there's a sunshower in your head, and your brain doesn't know whether to shine or rain. If you were a robot, you'd be shortcircuiting, and you sort of wish you were a robot, because at least they can't feel anything, at least they can't do stupid things like kissing their best friend and falling in love with them. At least robots don't make mistakes.

Tori hasn't been in class all day. She's not here now, and you wonder if she's gone home. If she's sick. Did kissing you make her sick? Do you make Tori sick? You put down your fork. You feel a little sickened right now. By yourself. You sigh, looking up and almost jumping. Jade's staring intently at you, closer to you than you thought. It's not that Jade's scary, it's just... no, she is. Jade the person doesn't scare you, in fact... you like that Jade a lot, it's just... how she looks. She's so... noticeable, and whenever you don't notice, it surprises you more when you do, because you're not sure how you missed it and she's _there_. And Jade's looking at you like you're a bug with a pin stuck in you, and she's shoving you under a microscope while you writhe. "What?" You say softly, your eyebrows turning up. You want to know why Jade's studying you. Are you starting to make her sick too?

"You've barely touched your lunch." Jade says, her eyes flicking down to your lunch before returning to you.

"So..?"

Jade raises a pierced eyebrow. "So you love food. What gives?"

You push your salad away from you further. "I'm just not hungry."

"Is it Tori?"

Your head snaps up to Jade. Does she know? Did... how does she know? Is it that obvious? Did everyone see it before you? Has everyone been laughing at you? What if Tori knew, and she was just playing with you? No. You need to stop those thoughts. It's not fair to Tori. She wouldn't do that, and you know it, but there's always been a part of you that whispered those dark thoughts. Its voice is just louder today. You open your mouth, and usually the words just spill out, and sometimes they're not even related to the subject at hand, but today, there's nothing, not even nonsense.

It's enough for Jade. "She didn't speak to you." Jade's face darkens, and you can almost see the thunderstorm in her head, and it makes you feel a little better, knowing that someone's else's brain is raining just like yours. But what she says confuses you. Why did she think Tori would speak to you? The last time Tori spoke to you it didn't go so well, or... maybe it went really well, at least for your lips... not so much for your heart.

"N-no."

Jade sighs angrily, putting a hand to her head. "I'm gonna fucking kill-" She trails off, something catching her attention behind you. You turn, wondering what's made Jade stop... who is she going to kill? Is it Tori? That's who she usually wants to kill. And it's Tori who's behind you, her eyes flicking between the ground and you, her hands drifting everywhere over her, like they're not sure where to rest.

"Cat..." Tori runs a hand through her brunette hair, and you wish you could see her eyes through her lowered lashes, just so you could see how you made her feel, to see if she was looking down because she can't bear seeing you, because it sickens her, or whether it's because she just can't stand it. And even now, you can't help but smile, even though your heart is twisting inside you. It's her, and your lips don't remember that they should be sad. "Can we talk?" She wipes her palms on her denim shorts, shifting awkwardly, and you nod, standing. Your words are still dried up, but you're sure they'll come for Tori, because there's a million things you want to say to her, and they can't just stay pent up in you.

She leads you behind the school, and you can't help but notice how good she looks in the sun. She belongs there, in the sunlight, against the green grass, and the blue sky, and the brown of her skin. She shines, just like she did that first time you saw her, like she does every day. You press your back against the cool, shadowed red bricks, staying out of the light. Maybe you belong in the sun too, but there's always a part of you in shadow. You're never just one thing, but you're closer to being whole when you're with Tori. She makes the pieces of you fit together, she keeps them from sliding apart again. But sometimes you need to be in pieces, because it hurts to be tied together and quivering, waiting for her to crush you, and make you into that many more pieces.

Tori's pacing back and forth in front of you, and you keep your palms pressed behind your back against the cool, rough brick. It keeps you from floating away, keeps you grounded. And you can't trust your hands around Tori. You know that now. You can't trust any part of your body around her; not your hands, not your lips, not your heart.

She turns to you finally, sunlight touching on her hair, and you think this is what your idea of angels will be now, because no one's more perfect to you than Tori. She always has been. "Cat... I'm sorry." Tori twists her mouth, moving closer to you, her hand half-raising like she's not quite sure what she wants to do with it, and for once, you're the still one while she's the restless one. "Before... in the janitor's closet..." She looks down again, and you wonder if she's ashamed, but you can't see her eyes, only the droop of her shoulders, the hang of her head. Her eyes flick up to meet yours, and you feel your heart jolt. You swear she has the sun in her eyes too, warm strikes of brown that you can't look away from. "I've been thinking, and... you're weird."

Your eyebrows pull up sharply, mouth dropping open. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Tori winces. "No, no... that's not what I meant. Dammit, I planned this whole thing out, and I've already messed it up." She puts a hand to her forehead, sighing. "I meant... you're different." She looks up at you again, biting her lip. "You're different from anyone I've ever met Cat. You're sweet, and you're kind, and... you're my best friend." She moves closer, and the shadows wash over her. She's joining you in the shade, and you swear you can feel the warmth still radiating from her skin, like she carries the sun with her. "At least... I thought that's what you were." Her mouth twists, and you feel your heart lunge painfully, and you hope she can't see it pushing it's way out of your chest. "Cat... I've never really had a best friend before. Back at my old school... well, I didn't fit in." Your eyebrows furrow... it's hard to imagine Tori not fitting in, not belonging, when she fits so well here. When she fits so well with you. "But Cat... I've been thinking... a lot, and... I don't feel about you like you do for a best friend. I know you don't like me, but-"

"I love you." You clap a hand to your mouth, but the words have already escaped, you can already see them crawling into Tori's ears and rippling across her face. You didn't mean to say it... it's true, but you didn't... it wasn't right. You wish you could suck them back up, push them down deeper, but it's already too late. You wanted words to come out, just not these ones.

Tori's eyes flick over you, lip wedged between her teeth, and she shifts closer to you, her hand reaching to pry your fingers away from your mouth, and you wonder if she realises how close she is to you. You certainly do. She lets go of your hand, fingers moving to brush under your chin, tilting your head up, her eyes still scouring you, and you wonder what she's looking for, and if she's finding it. Her breath shudders out, and you think she must've found it, because she's leaning in, and you feel like a squirrel, because your heart is racing and this is nuts. Your lips part slightly, and you want to say something, you want to say anything, but she's hypnotised you, with her eyes, with her touch, and all you can do is close your eyes, heart pounding. And when her lips finally brush yours, it's like your whole body is pushing up against her, like all your nerves are trying to crawl into your lips so they can feel this. You think it's working, because the rest of the world fades away, and it's just Tori kissing you, Tori's fingers on your chin, her hand on your shoulder, and nothing else. It's just her. You think your heart must've crawled into your mouth as well, because it's shaking your head and your brain with every beat, making your lips tremble against Tori's, and you wonder if she can feel it, if she can feel how hard your heart is beating for her. You think she must, because her breath is shuddering, and she pulls away slowly, almost reluctantly, and it's not like the other times you've kissed. There's no scrambling back, no panic, no confusion. Those kisses ended, whereas this just feels like a pause in between the next one.

Tori takes in a short, rushed breath, her shoulders relaxing, like there was some string in them pulled taut. "Cat... the way I feel about you... it makes me want to do this." She gestures between her lips and yours, a slight smile on her face. "I love you already as a best friend, Cat. A-and... I think I want to see if I could love you as... as my girlfriend, too."

You can't stop the grin from splitting your face, can't stop from bouncing on the spot. "You want to be my girlfriend?"

Tori shrugs, the smile on her face wider. "If you want to be mine."

Tori's eyes widen as your hands link around the back of her neck, pulling her to you. And finally, you can have that long, drawn out kiss you've dreamt of in your unremembered dreams, and it feels so familiar, just like breathing. And Tori's lips taste like so many things, but mostly, they just taste like Tori, and that's all you want them to taste like. You don't ever want to forget that you're kissing her, just her, and that she's kissing you, just you.

You don't know how you didn't see it before. You saw the pieces, but not how they fit together, and suddenly, it's so clear, and the puzzle is solved. The piece you were missing all along was Tori, and now you're complete.

**A/N: We all know what this spot is for now. It's the place where I beg for reviews, and give you an insight into the twisted, awkward world I live in. I honestly don't mean that part... it just seeps into the review-begging.**

**So... please review? They're so very important. I did a one-man show on Broadway once, and not one person reviewed, and I had no idea whether it was good or not.**

**Okay, so it wasn't on Broadway.**

… **It was on Broad Street, a street in my town.**

… **And it wasn't a show so much as screaming and hurling bottles.**

…**. And I'm not one-man. I'm a woman, or... equivalent to five cats. Same thing, really.**

… **And I knew from the start it was _fabulous_.**

**But no, reviews are still important. So you should do that. Yeah.**

**Oh, and this is the end.**

…

**FIN.**


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